Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
