True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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