Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
