I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
