you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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