I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
