where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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