If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
