I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
