community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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