yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
