Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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