Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
