youre lurking in front of me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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