Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
People in love make me want to vomit
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
