I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
