It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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