hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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