i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
