he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
