His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
