Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
