Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
