Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
