Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
