Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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