He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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