He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
