hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
