whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
