you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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