Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
