Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
