JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
