and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
