She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
