honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
