That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
