I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
