I never want to see another naked old woman again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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