I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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