Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
