I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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