Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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