sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
