he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
