Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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