he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
