just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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