Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
