i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
