did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
