just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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