she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
