yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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