Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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