We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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