The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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