im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
high people should be assigned attendants
Life is so much better after having sex.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
