shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
