Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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