why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize