i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
