I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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