Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
