Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
